I started writing this over ze summer but alas my intense procrastination owned the crap out of me. So I will put the first part of a long series of WTF here and hopefully continue to stun and amaze.

Here goes:

At this current moment in time I am about 20 days away from completing my first year away from home, living in a small room with a person I don’t know. A.K.A, I’m in college. Now, I don’t presume my college experience is any more exciting than anyone else’s, I don’t drink and I haven’t gotten high or anything like that so according to pop culture I haven’t really been doing typical ‘college’ things. But I have one advantage, I have not only a crazy as hell roommate but also a wonderfully zany group of friends. This is my story, my tale if you will, of life as a freshman.
Obviously since it’s almost the end of school these are all backlogged stories of what has happened previously. But I felt like some of the stuff that went down was just too good to not put up somewhere on the internet. So I decided to start from the beginning as it were, the first time I ever talked to my roommate.
I don’t remember the exact date I received my roommate information packet from my school, but I do remember that one of my friends was there when I was reading over the information. I got to the part where it gave me my dorm room number and my roomie’s name and I thought to myself “Huh, what a nice normal name…maybe for once in my life I won’t get the short end of the stick.” Judging by names is by far the worst way to judge people I know, but it was one of the most common American baby names for a girl ( I won’t say it here) and every one of them I knew from high school was someone that, while a bit preppy, wasn’t very crazy at all. Soon after this moment I realized my mistake.
The papers that the school sent had our roommate’s address and telephone number, so one day my mother and I were watching TV when the phone rang…